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1. The NFC Championship is between the San Francisco 49ers and the Atlanta Falcons.
2. The San Francisco 49ers have won more Super Bowls than every franchise except the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Dallas Cowboys, who each have six, BUT, at a perfect 5-0, the Niners have also never lost a Super Bowl, while Pittsburgh and Dallas have lost three and two, respectively. Depending on how you feel about percentages, that might make you either more or less inclined toward them. If you have strong feelings about percentages, you might be peculiar.
3. The 49ers are coming off an unprecedented dismantling of one of the NFL's title favorites, the Green Bay Packers, during which novice quarterback Colin Kaepernick, who took over for former #1 pick Alex Smith mid-season and has since undeservedly lived in the shadow of similarly novice quarterbacks Andrew Luck, Russell Wilson, and Robert Griffin III, played like the next evolution of homo sapiens. In the first playoff game of his career, Kaepernick rushed for more yards than any quarterback had ever rushed for in any game previously, and threw the ball like he was mad at it because it hadn't been returning his calls and maybe went to see Zero Dark Thirty without him. Even though Kaepernick had made it very clear that he wanted to see ZDT. God.
4. Now that Robert Griffin III has had two major knee surgeries at the age of 22, Colin Kaepernick holds the honor of being the most promising candidate to realize a decades-long NFL dream: a truly effective dual-threat rushing/passing quarterback. Kaepernick showed tremendous passing touch in addition to his dominant running abilities against Green Bay, putting on one of the best individual performances of the season by any player. Whether he'll be able to reproduce that break-out game against the Falcons is yet to be seen, but it's a hell of a playoff start.
5. You should root for the San Francisco 49ers if you fit any of these criteria:
— You feel comforted by the idea that America, as the Last Remaining Superpower, makes the world a better place;
— You prefer your Hollywood starlets, politicians, and pro athletes to be uncorrupted paragons of virtue;
— You appreciate tremendous coaching;
— You think the evolution of Colin Kaepernick into the league's most exciting and promising quarterback is an under-appreciated NFL narrative;
— You like the color red.
The most important one is that last one, really, if we're honest.
6. The Atlanta Falcons have never won a Super Bowl before.
7. Matt Ryan, the Falcons' quarterback, won his first playoff game last week when Atlanta came back to beat the Seattle Seahawks after the Seahawks themselves had made up a 20-point fourth-quarter deficit to take the lead. If Seahawks coach Pete Carroll had let Russell Wilson throw for the whole game, rather than just the second half, it is entirely possible that the Seahawks would've scored 80 points and finalized the NBA's return to Seattle.
8. Part of the reason why the Atlanta Falcons did beat the Seahawks was their running game, led by the 1978 Ford F-150 that is Michael Turner and the awesomely named Jacquizz Rodgers, who's playing far and beyond its performance during the regular season. As good as Rodgers looked last week against Seattle, the Seahawks were also missing lineman Chris Clemons and had to replace him with Bruce Irvin, a pass-rush specialist.
9. Because of their success during the regular season — the Falcons went 13-3, earning the NFC's #1 seed — Atlanta has home-field advantage, meaning that the 49ers will be flying from the West Coast to the East Coast for the game. Depending on how you feel about air travel, this may make you more or less sympathetic to the 49ers as a team and the Falcons as a team. Depending on how you feel about the city of Atlanta, same deal.
10. You should root for the Atlanta Falcons if you fit any of these criteria:
— You went to Boston College or any other Jesuit school and will only refer to Matt Ryan as "Matty Ice."
— You are excited for the movie Spring Breakers, which features Atlanta rap luminary Gucci Mane.
— The idea of firm, hard-nosed, unyielding defense and fundamental, conservative offense excites you and/or stirs your loins.
— You are a wide-receiver connoisseur and so understand the rare abilities of Julio Jones and Roddy White. (With notes of oak and cherry.)
Prediction: San Francisco shows up to the game late, blaming plane trouble when in fact, Jim Harbaugh forgot to adjust for West Coast time. After Justin Smith and Aldon Smith sack Matt "Matty Ice" Ryan at the same damn time, they pretend to shotgun him like the cheap beer he's named after in celebration. Julio Jones and Roddy White play while sitting on top of each other's shoulders. Colin Kaepernick runs for 900 yards, and wherever he's watching the game, Steve Young explodes. 49ers win, 34-23.
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